release. sort of.

things have gotten better, at least for now.
two things happened-
God touched me.
I reached out....kinda.

I have spent the last...I dunno....couple of weeks studing Lamentations 3. I found it "randomly" one night when I opened my bible. "Randomly" being, that was the place my bookmark was at. I read it....and it hit me....the first half depicts exactly how I felt. exactly. I felt led to memorize (meditate) on this book. I study my bible every night...but I have never spent so long in one chapter of one book. Slowly I add on one verse at a time....and it has dramatically affected me.

The other thing....I got real. Kind of. It's complicated to be myself here....all of me...for so many reasons. And I am not created to be something else...and since I have been home, it has been tormenting me, trying to figure out the best solution to this problem. And I remembered something that I heard once....to win a marathon, you have to take the first step. So I "told" one. Kind of two...but the second was indirectly....and it was someone I think I assumed knew already. But just having one person know....it makes all the difference in the world. It's a long process....and it will likely never end....but I've taken the first few steps. Sometimes that's all you can do.

"because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness. For the Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one that seeks him" Lamentations 3.