FREE FALL

I feel that life for me, right now, is in a sort of exilerating free fall...

I have been standing at the edge of a cliff for so long...
for years now I have gazed longingly at the beauty of the life below...
breathless...
motionless...
speachlesss...
longing so desperately to be a part of it...
yet stuck...
in a complex mix of absolute awe and absolute terror.
I have watched as others have taken a flying leap...
falling, with faith, into the hands of life and time...
leaping toward the after...
I have been stuck.
stuck, because I was afraid.
afraid of the fall....
afraid of the bottom.
I this week,
I jumped
and I don't know how far down it is...
and I don't know where I will land,
but somehow, I know...
I will be okay...
I am in that part of the fall where all I feel is weightless...
full of life....
and hope...
I know it will be hard...
and I know at times I will want to give up...
I know there is no going back...
I know I will probably cry...
but, I also know, it will be okay.
it will be better than okay...
for the first time, in a long time,
I feel alive.
really alive.