Arg

so...I am really frustrated I think.
I have recently noticed that I don't write much here...I don't really express much of anything here.
I used to.
kind of.
I censor myself a lot on this blog...which is good, and bad.
I hate censoring myself.
I hate feeling like I cannot really be honest all the time...and not that I am being dishonest...but half-truths are just as bad as full lies...and not saying exactly what I am feeling and thinking...in some ways that is a half truth, is it not?
But in the grand scheme....who really cares....
I don't know of many "readers" which is kind of funny...there are people I assume read my blog...(three specific people) and then there are people, who, in random conversations bring up something I have mentioned here...and I am blown away, because I didn't even know they had the address.
I guess it is kind of weird...I started this blog as a way to update people on the happenings of my life while I am away from them...and thus...I tend to write here, as if someone else is reading it...rather than writing the things I am actually feeling, thinking, and processing through.
I don't know...
I almost log on here repulsed by the idea of even writing anything...
because it just seems so superficial....
I don't like anything superficial...
and yet...
now...
with most people...
I feel like my entire life is just superficiality.
I don't know. I don't know...
I just know, I am frustrated.
I need more.
I want more.
I expect more.