Ouch

Why do I always over-analyze EVERYTHING?! I am not an emotional person, I don't cry. But for one reason or another, I take many thing so personally. Things that I guess maybe I don't need to, but I do.
I take it personally when I am the only one working at a relationship. With family, friends, anyone. I don't want to be the only one who initiates conversations, the only one who calls, the only one that seems to care. Because when it happens, it hurts. And I think about it. Why does my family never call me? why don't the call me back? why do they tell me I need to call more, when I am the only one who ever calls? It hurts. Do I feel like they care? no. Do I feel like I am a memeber of the family? no. It is the same thing with friends. I don't want friendships where unless I start a conversation, we don't even talk. Are we really friends? I take it personally when even the dumbest things happen, like getting bumped from a friends top 8 (if you don't know what that is, don't worry about it). To physically see the spot I once had filled by someone else tells me everything I need to know about how much you care about me....and I know it is stupid, but its also how I feel.
I take it personally when people I barely see and barely talk to claim to be there for me. Claim that they care. Where have they been? They say they are busy, but if I need them, they are there.....well? How are they there if they don't return my messages, if they don't even know I am even hurting? Why should I turn to the people who don't have time for me on a good day? What would make me want to turn to them when I am absolutely broken and needing comfort and love.
I take things personally. I analyze every conversation, trying to figure out what the speaker actually ment. No, I don't believe you if you say you love me. You haven't shown me love. And as demanding as that may sound, I need proof, not empty words. No, I don't think we are friends if you aren't there on the good days and the bad. Words just aren't enough. They aren't anything. They just hurt me more. The actions are what I believe.