Susie Q

Summer is summer. It has it's perks. It has it's downfalls....

My summer so far has been a mixed rollercoaster ride. Mostly inside my head....and mostly because there is no outward expression of emotion...even when crazy things are going on inside. What can I say...I am complicated, and I am okay with that. I am like a rubix cube! If you don't know how to solve one of them...you could work for years and still never get it right....but if you figure out how to do it....I am plain as day, and so simple.

My summer started off poorly. My sophmore year was a tough one, emotionally and academically. I came back physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually drained. Because I am gone so much...when I come back, I have to re-establish myself...at home and at church. Its like starting all over. I have to figure out where I fit in with family. I have to figure out friendships. I have to figure out my responsibilities...and I have to get a job. On top of all of that...I miss the things I am used to, friends, activities, etc. from school. It's not an easy thing to do to transition. Especially when I felt the way I felt.

For some reason or another, my two lives are completely different. I am the same...but my worlds are not. I don't totally know why...but even as hard as I work...when I am in cali...I am in cali....and no one out here has really any idea of what is going on out there....so coming back...I don't really have anyone to "relate to" or someone who knows what I have been going through for the past 8 months. Out in cali I have a strong support system of friends, roommates, professors, mentors, etc that I can lean on. I am still trying to establish that out here.

All that to say...the transition is somewhat complete...although not totally. I still need a job....cuz I quit....and I need to figure out my future....but other than that....most things have fallen, or are in the process of falling into "place."