These small hours

This week has been a long one.
It's fair to say that I am beyond exhausted...
I'm at that point where I am actually becoming emotional....
easily exasperated, quickly frustrated.
At moments, wanting to cry for absolutely no reason...
all weird emotions for me.

I am not looking forward to this month...
dreading it actually. Stressing it.
Test results came back clear, praise God.
Ultrasound on the 15th, then I don't know.
Moving the 29th/30th of June, and again the 6th of July.
Lots of packing, loading, cleaning, organizing.
Lots of money to be spent, ugh.
Lots of missed sleep.
Prep for VBS in July.
Looks like I will be tired for a while...

Been listening to a lot of sermon pod casts at work lately.
Particularly Life Church's series: 30 Days to Live.
I like it. Its challenging.
Not a big fan of Craig Groshel,
or mega churches,
but the messages are good.
Been trying to think about how I would spend my life if I knew I would only have 30 days left to live....
perhaps that is why I have been so tired.
But this week has been so worth it.


Watching my favorite girls at their dance recital-
doing something they love to do.
It is such an awesome experience to see a child light up,
particularly for me, a little girl light up,
they way they do when the biggest questions they have,
"Am I good enough? Am I beautiful? Do I have what it takes?"
Are answered with resounding, "Yes."
The joy in their faces says it all.
I'd miss a week of sleep to reassure my girls that they are beloved.
beautiful. precious.
Because they are.


Spending the day with my fiance, running all over town-
looking, talking, thinking, planning...
making pizookie and redboxing it up,
sitting on the couch laughing and talking....
I love getting quality time with him like that.
I love being in the place in my life where errands with my fiance are a highlight...
I am sure it won't be that way forever,
but for now, I love it.
I know how hard it must be for him, with everything he is committed to right now.
I know he is busy. And he's going to stay busy,
And for a while, I am going to be on the back burner,
not because he doesn't love me, I know he does,
but because he really needs to be focused right now.
And I'm okay with that.
I understand that school is a first priority, I want it that way.
I love him. I'll always love him. No matter how busy he is, that will never change...
but I'll also miss him.
and for now, errands equal quality time. And I'll take it.
It was one of my favorite days with him. Ever.


Watching Brittany and Jason today...
meeting their daughter for the first time...
becoming a family.
They are going to do amazing things.
The love that family has for one another is inspiring.
I loved watching them hold their first child.
There is nothing that reflects unconditional love like the day a child is born.
Anna is beautiful, they make a beautiful family.
I respect and admire them, and I can't wait to watch their family,
and their love for one another, grow.
What is sleep compared to seeing such a wonderful moment.

But, alas...
I am exhausted.
Every minute of lost rest was completely worth it.
Wouldn't have had it any other way.
But, I am eagerly anticipating the moment my pillow and I are reunited.
I miss you old friend.