Truth Or Dare

Last night a work, I walked over to visit with a few of my favorite people- people I am so blessed to know.
They were in the midst of a classic childhood game,
a game perhaps that is forgotten as we pass adolescence- but maybe a game that has intrinsic value.
They were playing truth or dare.
There is nothing exceptional to truth or dare, other than the things you may find out about people, and about yourself.
A friend asked me what I liked most about myself.
A fairly simple question, with an exceptionally difficult response.

For most of my life, I hated who I was. There was not a single aspect of "me" that I felt had any sort of value whatsoever.
Even after becoming a Christian, I struggled with the concept that God would be capable of loving me, a being so worthless.
I hated the way I looked, the way I spoke, I hated that I was smart, and I hated that I wasn't the most intelligent. Essentially, I hated me. And hate is a nice way of putting it.

It wasn't until my freshmen and sophomore years of college that I really figured out why I hated me. That was hard to digest also.
And I learned, a lot.
And I have grown, a lot.
I think I understand more about myself then I ever have.
I understand my weaknesses, I have accepted my weaknesses (to an extent).
I am still working on figuring out what my strengths are.
I am still trying to figure out what I am good at-
and I live constantly under my own critical microscope.
I am still overwhelmingly insecure, and shy.
There are things about me that I dislike-
I don't know that those things will ever go away.

But what I do know, is that above all,
beyond it all,
what I like most about me, is me.
I like the person I am,
I am striving to be the person I want to be,
striving to be the person God is calling me to be.
However that may look.

More and more I become unafraid to say the things I am feeling and thinking. I am unafraid to be imperfect, unafraid to let myself show. And I like that.
I understand that not everything I say is beneficial
(but it will probably make you laugh),
and not everything I do is wise or ends up well
(but it always results in a great lesson or story).
I try to be the best me possible,
I try to make my family proud-
I try to make my fiance proud-
I try not to make the same mistake twice-
and I try to honor God in all of my decisions.
And at the end of the day,
(or night rather, for me)
I go to bed knowing for sure who I am.
And liking it.
Irregardless of my failures, flaws, and shortcomings.