Dear 2010, Please be gentle on me.

so far this year is getting off to a rather rocky start,
& I have worn out my hiking boots,
As much as I adore to climb, right now it feels difficult to crawl,
hiking isn't even an option.
I feel like I am balancing precariously on a beach ball while juggling,
a very difficult, stressful, impressive, and all to unsustainable trick.
Juggling a full time job, while going to school full time,
trying to squeeze in time with my fiance, time with my puppy, and time with my family,
trying to get enough sleep, and enough study time in...
its a very delicate act, that requires all aspects of the universe to be working together perfectly all the time....
even the slightest wind change can send it all tumbling down.
And the problem with that is that other people suffer if I fail more then I will.
I am just so tired. Physically exhausted, financially strapped,
and the wind just changed again.
Good old rufus, my 2000 Kia, is trying to die on me, or kill me.
I really can't afford to fix the car, I am barely making rent, while trying to finish school.
I also can't afford a new car unless I get another job,
but I don't have time to get a second job.
All the while trying to put back money for our wedding... the wedding is going to be low budget anyway, but I'd like to at least put back something.
And I am trying to pay off my student loans.
I can barely juggle all this and keep my house clean and my life organized.
I feel like I am always stressed out,
and I am so beyond done being stressed out all the time
constantly questioning how well ends are going to meet,
if they are going to meet at all.
I am tired of worrying about whether I will have money to pay
rent and utilities on time in the same month.
I don't live like this, paycheck to paycheck.
Living like this is stressful, frustrating, exhausting.
I am always tired, always working to juggle work and school, family and friends, etc.
On a brighter note, I have a wonderful fiance,
and yesterday I think he was the only thing that held me together.
I really love him,
and I can't say it enough.