fingers crossed

I am so excited to be thinking about buying our first house.
The thought for the past two years has petrified me, literally.
There was no way in my mind that we would ever be able to feasibly afford a home right off the bat.
But as the day approaches & we started looking at homes to rent
and the cost of apartments- it dawned on me.
For the price of what we wanted in a rental,
maybe we could afford a home.
We talked and decided maybe that would be best,
and idealogically I got on line this week,
and fell in love with the very first house I saw-
It was in the lower end of our price range,
& had so much character.
I thought, what can it hurt to go look at this house?
We'll look, and find something wrong,
some reason to dismiss it and keep on looking.
But we didn't....
So then I thought, well, we'll apply for a loan,
but we probably won't get it right off the bat,
or the interest rate will be horrible,
and we'll have to wait.
And that didn't happen either.
So we made an offer-

I don't know if the bank will accept our offer.
I don't know if the first house we saw will be the home we end up in,
and I am eager to know what the bank decides.
Either way, I think maybe,
at least for the moment,
I have moved beyond petrified,
and into a place of hope...
of possibility.
I am sure that petrified feeling will return,
and I know that the reality is that if we do get the house we have a lot of work to do
and if we don't get the house, it may take a while to find something else we like,
and that it may not all be as easy as the first steps have been-
but I am excited.
and exhausted.
and hoping tonight I will fall asleep without dreaming of wall colors and foliage,
tile, and how much it may cost to re-shingle the roof
or replace the boiler.

At the end of the day, its not in my hands, and I know who is really in control.
And shoot, if the end of the world is May 21st, I may never know, lol.